Saturday, March 7, 2009

What Your Mother Doesn't Know

One of my coworkers recently told me the story of how she broke her arm as a child. Right in the middle of telling me what it was she was doing when she fell, my coworker stopped and laughed. “You know, I lied to my mother that day about what I was doing when I broke my arm so I wouldn’t get in trouble. She still doesn’t know the truth. Maybe I should tell her one of these days.”

This incident got me thinking about secrets I’ve kept to myself over the years and why I felt I had to keep them a secret. My secrets tended to fall into one of three categories: 1) secrets that would have gotten me into trouble if anyone found out, 2) secrets that were too embarrassing to share, or 3) secrets that might hurt someone if they found out. Everyone has secrets. We never want our own to be found out, but we love to find out what other people are hiding.

Here are some fascinating secrets I’ve uncovered.

1) Disneyland has a problem with people trying to scatter the ashes of their loved ones on the haunted mansion ride. Every time it happens they have to close the ride down and call in a hazmat team to clean it up. I only have one question, for these people. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

2) Apples in the supermarket are dipped in wax before being put out on display so they will look more shiny and appetizing. If you don’t believe me, scrape the blade of a knife against the surface of the apple’s skin and watch as some of the wax comes off. Not very appetizing, eh?

3) The ancient Mayan culture believed chocolate came directly from the gods and considered it sacred. Later on they used cocoa beans (the main ingredient in chocolate) as money. There was a time when it was illegal for anyone but royalty to eat chocolate in Europe. For a short period in history eating chocolate was also officially considered a moral sin. Strangest of all, microwave ovens owe their existence to chocolate. A scientist first got the idea for cooking with microwaves when he discovered a chocolate bar in his pocket had melted when he walked through an experimental machine.

4) When you see those really stupid safety labels on products it is because someone, somewhere actually tried it and the company is legally covering themselves.

Real Examples:
“Remove infant before folding for storage.” – Warning label found on a portable stroller.
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." – On a label found on a child sized Superman costume.
"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.
"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.
"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for an iron.
"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

5) Superstores like Shopko and Walmart have a problem with grown people getting rowdy while playing games such as hide and seek and tag in their store. Sounds like fun actually.

Want to hear one of my secrets? My sister, brother and I almost died in a near head-on collision with a semi-truck while on a road trip together. We didn’t tell our mother about it until ten years after the fact. She still got upset.

Feel the need to unburden yourself of a few secrets? Feel free to do so in the comments below.


Indecisive said...

Hotty (aka Clownboy) tells me that it actually happens more often on Pirates of the Caribbean than on The Haunted Mansion. I trust him to know random things like that. :)

Sheila A. Nielson said...

Why on earth . . . never mind, I don't want to know.

Joella said... is one of my secrets: I am a hot water hog. If someone somewhere has a cold is probably because I have used up all the hot water in this and any neighboring states all in the space of 15 minutes. Now I will hang my head and wake up and do it again... ;)

Crazy about the Disneyland though. I can't even imagine what some people are thinking...

Raspberry said...

I secretly dated a guy in highschool. My dad noticed we were spending a lot of time together, but never assumed we were actually 'going steady' as he'd put it. He's still in denial about that one... :)

Oh - I dyed my hair so many times. My mom hates that SO much, that she would tell me I looked like a slut, so I made sure to do it so that it would fade by the time she saw me next.

Chelsey Clay said...

No way! I totally never told my mom how I broke this boy's arm in elementary school- if I remember correctly, I threw a large rock up into the sky's oblivion and it ended up landing on his arm, therefore breaking it. I still feel guilty.


Raspberry. You did look like a...well, you know. If you HAD to dye your hair, you should have had it done professionally. A roomate at 2 a.m. is not a good choice for a hairdresser.

Anonymous said...

Once I crashed a temple wedding. Russell M. Nelson was officiating. Then, I crashed the reception. Long story. But I feel so horrible now about it. Still, I can't let that destroy my life. Who has time for guilt? So I'll just let it destroy the wedding memories of the couple.

Anonymous said...

My first kiss. I grabbed him. It was so not worth it. His lips were flat and cold even in the summer night air. Bleah. I really wish I had waited and grabbed a different guy.



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